I’m going to make America great again, because I’m the greatest presidential candidate in history, there’s never been a candidate like me, and there won’t ever be a president as great as me. People love me. I’m number one in every poll, I win all kinds of awards, I’m a household word. And everyone knows it.
JFK? DFT!
What positive thing has happened in this country in the last 10 years? I mean, besides assassinating Osama Bin Laden and the woman who got the new face after the old one was ripped off by the chimp? I’m telling you, she should’ve had ME rebuild it for her...it would’ve been amazing, it would’ve been spectacular and it would’ve been one of the great face reconstructions in the world. And I wouldn’t even put my name on her forehead.
Marco Rubio is a joke. His forehead is so wet you could waterski on it. Really, who sweats like that? There’s no drought in California as long as he’s on the streets.
It’s free. I don’t need your money. Believe me I have plenty of money. A LOT of money. If you want to be kept apprised of what I am saying about our country, just give us your email address and we will alert you the next time I saw something amazing and spectacular. Which, obviously, will be very soon.
I’m going to tax the rich more and the middle class less. And when I say Rich, I’m not talking about myself, because, as president I’ll only be making 400,000 dollars a year, which, I don’t know how anyone could live on that much, I certainly couldn’t, if it weren’t for the fact that the room and board are already paid for at the White House.
I’m going to take jobs away from Mexicans and the Chinese. And I’m not talking about the ones that are here...at the El Torito and the Szechuan Takeout...they can keep those jobs. They work hard at them, and nobody else wants to do what they do. You want to be a Taco Bender or deliver Moo Goo Gai Pan 7 nights a week? No. Neither do I. But there’s no reason why Ford, a Great American Country, should make their cars in Mexico. Unless they’re developing engines that run on beans. Because, believe me, when I eat a burrito I have my own personal gas crisis, and if you could harness THAT energy, we wouldn’t need to depend on the Arabs for oil.
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